I'm back!

Hi! I’m back. :)

So, where did I go? Well, after a few intense emotional breakdowns, I realized I needed professional help beyond my fertility clinic. I was starting to feel hopeless and watching the IVF protocol stretch out before me was very overwhelming, especially as a new wave of friends announced pregnancies. I needed to hit pause and get myself out of the mental rut I was in.

I began researching therapists and acupuncturists in the area, and spending plenty of time on the phone with my insurance company trying to figure out if either of those specialists would be covered. Turned out that acupuncture WAS covered - literally the only thing on this fertility journey that has been covered by insurance - and the therapist I had chosen was not. I was pretty excited to go 1 for 2 on these specialists!

Shortly thereafter I began weekly acupuncture treatments and monthly therapy sessions. Both, I believe, helped me get to a much better place mentally and emotionally as we made our way through IVF treatments. Acupuncture especially - I leave every treatment feeling calm and relaxed, and have found relief from some of the wild mood swings I am prone to on the IVF medications, and many of the other unpleasant side effects of putting so many artificial hormones in your body. In this time I also began going to yoga more regularly, and being very deliberate about fitting in exercise, even when all I wanted to do was be a blob on the couch wallowing in my own self pity because I felt so bloated and tired from all of the medications.

The other BIG thing that happened while I was away from the blog was that WE GOT A PUPPY! If you follow me on social media you already know this, but what you might not know is how or why said puppy came into our lives. We have friends who have an awesome 4y/o pup of the same breed, and we have always loved his personality - how he’s curious and energetic but can also be a great lap dog and relax. And that he didn’t shed! Their breeder had a litter born in March and one pup was newly available. Our friends sent us a message to see if we were interested. We waffled a bit but then decided we wanted to talk to the breeder about getting that pup. Unfortunately, by the time we responded, that puppy had found a new home. We were really bummed - and a little surprised by how bummed we were!

But - we were in luck! A few days later, another pup needed a home - the person who was supposed to take him was no longer able to. We were so excited! Not wanting to rush into anything, we made proper pro/con lists and weighed what it would mean to have a puppy (though in hindsight we had no idea what we were getting into) and ultimately decided to go for it!

A big part of our reasoning was that we so badly wanted something to love - a new family member to love, specifically, and something to look forward to. Getting him has helped us channel our energy into something positive, something that is not scrolling on our phones seeing everyone with kids and/or being pregnant and wishing that was us. Raising a puppy is a LOT of work. We have learned so much about each other, we have become stronger as a team, and we’ve also had our share of arguments over this little guy. Also, since we made the decision to get him in mid-April and ultimately got him at the end of May, our conversations have shifted from ones about “when will we have a kid?” “will this ever work?” to setting up puppy play dates with friends and “where we can take him to have fun and expend some of that puppy energy?” the park? a hike? to meet his puppy cousins?

Personally, I felt like I finally had something to channel my energy, the “stuck” feeling of infertility, into. I read several puppy books before he arrived and more when he joined us in our house. I researched crates and trainers and my husband found dog walkers and took a week of “pupternity leave” right when we got him. We are all in on this guy, even if he regularly pushes us to the brink of our patience and sanity. Also, we imagine that some of this is really good practice for raising a child, and in the back of our minds we are hoping that we eventually do have a chance to use this experience.