Crystal Balls

I sure wish crystal balls could actually predict the future.

One of the most challenging realities we have faced in this process is that there is no end date… no crystal ball to look into and see “ahh yes, by 2020 you will have a child.” Having an end date sure would make this a little more bearable.

With the endless uncertainty, you want to put things on hold, or at least try to control some aspect of the process because maybe if you’re “ready” it will happen. You think “by the time that wedding comes around I’ll be pregnant so I should order my bridesmaids dress a size up” or “we shouldn’t plan that trip because what if I am pregnant and can’t fly?” or “no, work, I can’t travel to that zika infected area because I might be pregnant.” These are all things I/we did… and the sad/terrible/frustrating thing is that when you miss that work opportunity, or don’t plan that trip, or have a too-big dress AND are still not pregnant, it sucks twice as much.

I credit Robyn Birkin and her brilliant, amazing, wonderful Fertility Warriors podcast for helping me put my finger on the fact that the lack of an end date was (and still is) the source of much of my frustration.