"We're trying"
So you read a blog or talk to a friend who is having trouble getting pregnant and they say “we’ve been trying for a year” - ok, cool. Sounds hard, but pretty straightforward. But - at least for me - that short, breezy sentence is hiding a lot. This post is about that stuff: the journey that landed us at a fertility clinic. I was actually laughing out loud today when I conceived (pun 100% intended) of this post. The sh*t we did… I want to roll my eyes at myself for some of it.
The excited phase (0-3 months)
Stop using protection - duh.
Buy ovulation predictor kits but don’t use them
Pay casual attention to bodily changes (I will spare you the details)
Scour the internet for early pregnancy signs, immediately memorize them all
Buy enormously thick book about fertility, skim it
The “are we doing this right?” phase (3-6 months)
Use the ovulation predictor kits and confirm that your timing was indeed correct all along
Chart your temperature daily, just to have an extra confirmation of your timing - stop after three months because this is a pain in the butt
Read enormously thick book on fertility very closely
Husband switches to boxers - because the internet said boxer briefs are no good
All but quit drinking. Pretend to drink or lightly drink at weddings to avoid scrutiny.
Call your mom to ask about her experience - maybe this is genetic?
The all-hands-on-deck try everything phase (6-12 months)
Everything from phases 1 and 2, plus…
Be convinced that your old-window-shutters-turned-headboard is giving you lead poisoning which is in turn causing infertility (despite four negative tests of the paint). Remove it from the house.
Get more expensive ovulation predictor kit - more than just a smiley face… a blinking smiley face!
Try all variations of timing - every 24 hours, 36 hours, 48 hours, etc.
Get regular acupuncture… until it gets way too expensive
Eat more red meat because your acupuncturist said it would help
Stop going to hot yoga and spin classes because you read somewhere that raising your body temperature is bad
Lots of praying
Begin casually researching fertility treatments and local clinics… think “no way, we won’t need that”
Watch several friends announce pregnancies, and realize they started trying months after you
Have serious talk about seeking help
And that’s when, in the middle of a very long car ride, we decided to call our fertility clinic.
I think that the stuff hidden behind my words when I say we’ve been “trying for a year and a half” is a mix of shame, pain, and a steadily increasing feeling of panic - tucked just far enough down that I don’t burst out in tears every time I tell someone. I am grateful to have a place here to share this with you because writing it made me want to laugh-cry: you know, that line where you’re not sure if you should be laughing or crying at the absurdity of it all. Today, I was laughing.
